Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Review: Sporting Wood

Sporting Wood (Naughty Nooners)Sporting Wood by Cindy Spencer Pape

My rating: 1 of 5 stars

I have a confession to make. I am a non-discriminating Free Kindle book WHORE. I will download ANY romance/erotica novel if it is free. That being said, I have no one to blame but myself when said free book ends up being a POS.

Since all of the "Naughty Nooners" sport the same cover, you really can't judge a book by its cover. Which is a pity. Based on the title of this book alone, I thought it may be about a randy baseball player or a randy carpenter. I had no idea that the book would be about a male shifter wolf and a talking lady tree. OK, she's a nymph that LIVES in the tree, like the Keebler elves, but still. When he meets her, she is a fucking tree. (And the best part of it is....he was in wolf form and was about to pee on her. Cause remember, she's a tree....and dogs like to pee on trees.)

This was the point in the book that I said...."Um, I think I'm gonna just stop right here." I really wanted to stop reading, but I've never given up on a book before and therefore I felt compelled by my own sick sense of I must know how it ends. So onward I read.

The wolf and the tree finally get it on.....but they do turn into human form first. There wasn't anything special about their copulation except that I couldn't get it out of my head that this wolf was humping a lady tree. I also won't mention that these two crazy kids stayed connected for a little while after they were done.....because, you know, the guy is a dog and everything and you know that dogs swell a certain way and blah blah blah. In the book, they called it a mating knot. I call it gross and too close to bestiality for my taste.

Then somewhere around the middle of the book, there's this whole "message" about environmentalism and how the sacred grove where the nymphs live can't get desecrated by metal or plastic because if it does they nymphs have to leave their trees, and most usually just up and die. At this point, I wanted to take a chainsaw to all of the lady trees.....while wearing a wolf skin coat. Jesus H. Christ....why did I keep reading?

5 comments:

  1. Why DID you keep reading, Kristy? Oy!

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  2. Why, you ask? Cause I hate myself, obviously.

    Ya know, I really do have good taste in books.....the ones I PAY FOR! The free shit....eh, not so much. (See my review from Emerald Green if you want to truly question my poor free-book judgement.)

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  3. Where are you getting all these (piece o' crap) freebie books? Tell me! I want some crappy freebies, too! Long live the tree nymphs!

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  4. Hahahahaha! I get them all from Amazon. I real everything on my Kindle. And (obviously) I will download ANYTHING if it's free. If it's romance/erotica and it's free on Amazon.....it's probably on my Kindle right now. I am a free book whore who doesn't discriminate. (But I totally should....)

    Copy and paste this link:

    http://www.amazon.com/gp/search/ref=sr_nr_n_20?rh=n%3A133140011%2Cn%3A%21133141011%2Cn%3A154606011%2Cn%3A158566011&bbn=154606011&ie=UTF8&qid=1313604592&rnid=154606011#/ref=sr_st?bbn=154606011&qid=1313604597&rh=n%3A133140011%2Cn%3A!133141011%2Cn%3A154606011%2Cn%3A158566011&sort=price

    ReplyDelete